Giving Thanks

I began this
blog intending to do far more than just harp about my AAC solution, Xpress It. My
goal has always been to talk about the broader range of challenges that
confront the Disabled. Unfortunate recent events have led me astray to fixate on
that one aspect of it. The array of obstacles is quite extensive, more so than I
think any able-bodied person can really grasp regardless of how much they might
wish to.

Most of my
audience knows enough about my educational and work history to realize that I am
to the stage in life where I should be planning for a comfortable retirement. Instead,
I’m still fighting to survive from day-to-day. Yes, that is a stark
truth, and it can be quite oppressive. I understand why most disabled people
give up or don’t try in the first place. There have been times lately
when I feel the incredible pull of that massive black-hole of despair trying to
consume me. I usually can’t get from month to month without assistance from
my retired stepfather and mother, and I am very well aware that cannot continue
indefinitely. Yet, even giving up doesn’t resolve anything because I’d
still have to do something with my remaining days. I’m not one to numb my
mind with chemicals and such so my only real
option is to somehow keep going. I fully admit that I haven’t done that to
the fullest extent possible, but I refuse to go away quietly. As one friend put
it, I have to be as persistent as a gnat. Since I haven’t found any
employers who are even willing to interview me, I have to continue my own
efforts.

Reading this
post may lead one to conclude that I have little to be thankful for at this
time of year. Maybe so, but it’s really a matter of perspective. I still
have my own home, a degree of personal freedom, and something that I think
worth leaving behind as a legacy. People tell me that my life should be
inspirational to others with disabilities, and I confess to finding that a very
annoying thought. Inspiration is usually very transitory. I’m just a guy
trying to do his best with the cards dealt. I’m also lucky enough to have
an excellent dog who is truly devoted to me. If that seems to be a minor detail,
remember that the dog is the most stable influence in my life. A dog’s
ability to live in the moment and love totally is what I call inspiring.

 

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